How To Get That Cute Mormon Boy To Ask You Out On A Date

During April 2011 General Conference, a few of the General Authorities have admonished the men of the Church to get out and date the women of the Church.  

While some men have no problems asking a girl for a date, there are others who have hard time asking a girl out on a date. However, a witty LDS blogger has suggested that there is a clever way for girls to nudge that cute LDS boy into asking you out on a date:

Walk up to the guy and ask:

“Do you have a piece of paper?”

If he has one, he’ll give it to you. Then ask:

“Do you have a pen?”

If he has one, he’ll hand it to you. Then ask:

"What's your number?"

This will catch him off guard, but he’ll give it to you. Then ask:

“What time are you picking me up on Saturday?”

To which he will reply:

“Seven?”

Works like a charm. You can then give him your number, and have a lovely conversation about your plans for Saturday.

As a Mormon guy, I love this approach. It is, with out a doubt, a very cunning and awesomely clever way of getting a date.

And guys, this isn't just for the ladies. You can use it to land a date too.

Busting The Myth That LDS Guys Don't Want To Get Married

Dallin H. Oaks, in his talk "Desire," given during the April 2011 General Conference, read a letter from a single sister who claimed that LDS men have no desire to make any kind of commitment to a woman:

"Single men, please consider the challenge in this letter written by a single sister. She pleaded for “the righteous daughters of God that are sincerely searching for a worthy helpmeet, yet the men seem to be blinded and confused as to whether or not it is their responsibility to seek out these wonderful, choice daughters of our Heavenly Father and court them and be willing to make and keep sacred covenants in the Lord’s house.” She concluded, “There are many single LDS men here that are happy to go out and have fun, and date and hang out, but have absolutely no desire to ever make any kind of commitment to a woman.^"

The sister's claim that men have no desire to make a commitment to a woman is not true: 

"But according to what may be the biggest study of single people ever, that image is, like the enthusiasm for the chocolate, quite false.

Single men are, on the whole, as likely to want to get married as single women, the survey found. They are more likely than women to be open to dating people of a different race or religion, more prone to falling in love at first sight, more eager to combine bank accounts sooner and more likely to want children. (That distant choking sound you hear is thousands of women finding this news hard to swallow.)

The study — of 5,200 people ages 21 to over 65 who weren't married, engaged or in a serious relationship — was funded by Match.com, which has a vested interest in understanding the partnerless. But it was carried out by an independent company in conjunction with Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher, social historian Stephanie Coontz and the evolutionary-studies program at Binghamton University. (Evolutionists are all over mate selection, which is the academic term for dating, because those who successfully pair up and procreate send their DNA into the next generation. Think of it as survival of the flirtiest.)

Their findings put the lie to the impression that all guys are Seth Rogen–esque commitmentphobes who regard the dating scene as a kind of all-you-can-meet buffet for their enjoyment. "This study confirms what my research on the brain shows," says Fisher. "The mechanisms for attachment for men and women are exactly the same. Just as many men want to get married as women do."

But the figures need to be parsed carefully. While overall, as many men as women wanted to marry, age played a big role in their preferences. Younger (ages 21 to 24) and older men (50 and up) were more favorably disposed to legal lifetime unions than their female peers. In the between years — the decades when women must pay heed to a uterine deadline — the ratios shift the other way."

The conclusion of the study is this: 

"From the get-go, women are fussier about whom they'll consider for a partner. More men (80%) than women (71%) don't care about the race of a love interest, and many more men (83%) than women (62%) are flexible on their date's religious beliefs. It's not simply, the figures suggest, that guys are more pro-marriage than has been believed; it's that women are less so than the stereotypes would have it."

One of the authors of the study is Dr. Hellen E. Fisher who is a professor of anthropology and a researcher of human behaviour at Rutgers University. She is one of the leading highly qualified "expert" on the biology of love and attraction given that she has studied romantic interpersonal attraction for over 30 years. Dr. Fischer says that her study destroys the myth that men are don't want to commit to a woman:

"But I have long wanted to bust myriad myths about the other half of the human race–men. Single in America does it in spades. This national survey clearly shows that men are just as eager to marry as women are; 33% of both sexes want to say “I do.”  Moreover, men in every age group are more eager than women to have children.  Even young men.  Among those between ages 21 and 34, 51% of men want kids, while 46% of women yearn for young.  Men are less picky too.  Fewer men say it is  important to find a partner of their own ethnic background (20% of men vs 29%  of women said this is a “must have” or “very important”); and fewer say they want someone of their own religion (17% of men vs 28% of women said this is a “must have” or “very important”).   Men are also more likely to have experienced love at first sight, as well as open to introducing a date to their parents sooner.

Perhaps most impressive:  In a committed relationship, men are less likely to say they need personal space (58% vs 77% of women); less likely to want nights out with friends (23% vs 35% of women); less eager to own their own bank account (47% vs 66% of women); and less likely to want to take a vacation on their own (8% vs 12%).  Remarkably, men under age 45 are also more willing  than older men and women to enter a committed relationship with someone who has everything they were looking for in a partner, but whom they do not find sexually attractive.  And just as many men under 35 believe you can stay married to the same person forever (84%).

I study the brain in love.   My colleagues and I have put over 60 men and women ages 18-57 into a brain scanner to study the brain circuitry of romantic passion.  We found no gender differences.  This Single in America study supports what I have long suspected: that men are just as eager to find a partner, fall in love, commit long term and raise a family.   It’s an illuminating, indeed myth-shattering, new set of scientific data.  And the sooner we embrace these findings, and fling off our outmoded and unproductive beliefs about both sexes, the faster we will find--and keep--the love we want." 

I think if this study was conducted among LDS people, you would get the same results or close to it. However, the idea that LDS men are refusing to commit to marriage is bogus. If non-LDS men are more pro-marriage than their non-LDS female counter parts, I would think that LDS men would be even more pro-marriage than is asserted by the single sisters of the Church. 

Which brings me to a point that Elder Oaks makes after reading the letter from the sister:

"I am sure that some anxiously seeking young men would want me to add that there are some young women whose desires for a worthy marriage and children rank far below their desires for a career or other mortal distinctions. Both men and women need righteous desires that will lead them to eternal life."

And Elder Oaks is right. Both the single LDS men and women need to have the righteous desires to get married. There are many wonderful men and women who are doing all that they can to be married in the temple. There are also many men and women in the church who are putting off marriage.

At some point, both the LDS Church and members of the Church need to stop perpetuating this myth that men are dragging their feet to the Temple because its simply not true. The truth is that there are many men and women who are dragging their feet to the temple.

There has been a great debate raging among single LDS women and men in the church on the subject of dating and marriage. Too many people are blaming the opposite sex for why there has been a decline in dating. Both men and women in the Church have been pointing the finger at the opposite sex and blaming them for their single status.

The blame game ends now. Today. 

The only person who is responsible for finding a eternal companion is YOU. You are accountable and responsible for that. No else is responsible for your dating life. You have the agency to choose to ask that girl out or not. You have the agency to choose to say yes or no to that date. If you choose not to ask that person out or say yes to a request for a date, the only consequence is that you missed an opportunity for a date.

I'd like leave you with a question for my readers to ponder: 

Does He really have a preference for one dating approach over another?  In other words, does Heavenly Father care, in the eternal scheme of things, whether the boy asked the girl out or the girl asked the boy out so long as the couple got married worthily in the Temple?

LDS Church Helping Members And Non-Members in Japan

The LDS Church have an amazing ability to to take care their own members during a crisis: 

"The only thing that rivals the Mormon church’s ability to spread the word is its ability to cope with emergencies.

Within 36 hours of the earthquake striking off the coast of Sendai on March 11, the Utah-based Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced that all 638 of its missionaries in the country -- 342 Americans, 216 Japanese and 80 from other nations – were safe.

Within a few days, the church also had accounted for all but about 1,000 of its 125,000 members in Japan.

 “Whether it is Haiti or Japan,” said David Evans, a senior leader in the church who serves in the missionary department. “This is how it works everywhere.”

Chalk it up to a culture of discipline and emergency preparedness. The church has a detailed hierarchy and network that works in ordinary times to maintain cohesion among followers, and in disaster to locate them."

What's even more impressive is that the LDS Church also has an amazing ability to help non-members in times of crisis at the same time as well:

"Humanitarian aid from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is arriving in Japan in the ongoing wake of this month's triple-catastrophe in and around Sendai.

Much of the LDS-provided relief supplies are coming from Japan and other Asian nations.

To date, the LDS Church has arranged for more than 135,000 pounds of food and water, 8,000 liters of fuel and 15,000 blankets. Besides the in-kind supplies, the church has made a substantial financial donation to the Japan Red Cross.

Food and fuel is being purchased in Japan and shipped to the affected areas, while blankets were purchased in China and shipped to Japan.

Japanese Latter-day Saints are helping their own as thousands of members from hundreds of congregations across the nation are assembling hygiene and cleaning kits."

While the LDS Church is helping people in Japan, its still needs your help in giving humanitarian assistance to those people affected by the earthquake and tsunami. Anyone can make a donation to the LDS Church Humanitarian Aid Fund.

Does Religion Make You Fat?

A recent study claims that kids who are more religious are more likely to get fat than non-religious kids:

“Our main finding was that people with a high frequency of religious participation in young adulthood were 50 percent more likely to become obese by middle age than those with no religious participation in young adulthood,” says Matthew Feinstein, the study’s lead investigator and a fourth-year medical student at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine.

“And that is true even after we adjusted for variables like age, race, gender, education, income, and baseline body mass index,” he added…

“We didn’t look specifically at the potluck factor, but anecdotally, we know that oftentimes at these religious gatherings people will eat traditional comfort foods which are often high in fat and calories and salt,” says Feinstein. “But, again, that’s not something we looked at in this particular study.”…
Feinstein says while obesity appears to be an issue for religious people, previous studies have shown that the faithful tend to live longer, be less likely to smoke, and to have better mental health status."

That study flies in the face of various other independent studies that show that religious people tend to be more healthier than non religious people. I'll reference two for your reading pleasure. 

The first study was conducted by Princeton University in 2009 which found that religious people around the world tend to be more healthier than non-religious people. 

The second study was conducted by Gallup poll in which they did extensive research on the wellbeing of religious people in America. The study found that there are different factors that could account for the results of their findings: 

There are a number of factors that could contribute to very religious Americans' healthier lifestyle choices. Some of these factors are likely overt products of religious doctrine itself, including rules related to smoking and substance abuse. Seventh-Day Adventists, for example, strictly adhere to vegetarian lifestyles free of alcohol and smoking, while orthodox Mormons and Muslims do not drink alcohol. In some Christian denominations, gluttony and sloth are considered two of the seven deadly sins, and many evangelical faiths frown on drinking and smoking. The Bible indicates that one's body is the "temple of God," which could in turn help explain the relationship between religious orthodoxy and exercise and certain types of food consumption.

It is possible, of course, that the noted relationship between health and religiosity could go in the other direction -- that people who are healthier are the most likely to make the decision to be religious. This could be particularly relevant in terms of church attendance, one of the constituent components of Gallup's definition of religiousness. Healthier people may be more likely and able to attend religious services than those who are less healthy.

It may also be possible that certain types of individuals are more likely to make healthy lifestyle choices and more likely to choose to be highly religious. The most parsimonious explanation, however, may be the most intuitive: Those who capitalize on the social and moral outcomes of religious norms and acts are more likely to lead lives filled with healthier choices.

As a result, I'm highly skeptical of the study that finds that religious kids are more fat than non-religious kids.

Do you agree or disagree with the study?

The Book Of Mormon Musical: How Do Silly Stories Produce Good People?

The media is still buzzing about Matt Stone and Trey Parker's Broadway musical, “The Book of Mormon" and the sneak preview reviews have been mostly positive so far. The Broadway musical is set to open at the Eugene O’Neill Theater on March 24. However, sneak previews are one thing. What the general audience thinks is another.  

From what I can glean from reading various media accounts is that the play is pretty enjoyable. For example, Jon Stewart absolutely loves the play. You can see him gushing about it in his interview with Matt Stone and Trey Parker on the Daily Show:

The Daily Show
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I am intrigued by how Mormons will feel about this Broadway musical. The play paints a mixed picture of what the Mormon church is about. Not all of it is flattering. Some of it may be offensive:

"It's sprinkled with jokes about Mormons discriminating against black people and repressed gay longings, but the creators of a new musical about Mormons say it won't attract the sort of religious controversy they are famous for. 

One of the most anticipated musicals this Broadway season, "The Book of Mormon," satirizes the history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, sexualizes the ritual of baptism and has plenty of politically incorrect jokes."

At the same time, Matt Stone and Trey Parker believe that the play also demonstrates the goodness and sincerity of the LDS people even if people find our faith to be a bit odd: 

Parker and Stone cite a song called "I Believe" in the second act as an example of how the show mixes humor about the beliefs of Mormons with warmth for the two main characters, including rising actor Josh Gad as a bumbling missionary. 

"It's this whole song that gets huge laughs, but it doesn't have a single joke in it," Stone said. "It's just interesting, idiosyncratic things that Mormons believe, but at the same time it is a really heartfelt song from a devout Mormon, so it isn't really just laughing at this person. It works on both levels."

By all accounts, this play isn't hostile to a specific religion like A Very Merry Unauthorized Children's Scientology Pageant which was a satirical musical about Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard. However, that remains to be seen when The Book of Mormon Musical opens to the public. How the audience and members of the LDS church react remains to be seen.

Regardless of how the play is received, the creators of the Book of Mormon music pose an interesting and legitimate question about the LDS faith:

But having found that his Mormon neighbors were always good members of the community, Mr. Stone said, he had to wonder: “Do goofy stories make people nice? What if, in their goofiness, these stories somehow inspire that in the right way. Is that a social good?” 

I think these questions could be asked of any religion but I think given the fact that our religion is fairly new and recent in comparison to other religions, Mormonism is a good religion to use in exploring the general question about the value of religion have in people's live and society even if they are arguably based on silly stories. 

I pose a question to those that follow my blog: let us assume that the stories in the book of Mormon are just plain silly and are not true. What is it about our religion that produces good people? Is Mormonism a social good?

Evangelical Christian Realizes Mormons Are Christians After Attending Insitutite

One of the most fascinating stories I have come across on the internet is an interview with an Evangelical named "David" who attended the LDS Institute for four years while working on obtaining a PhD in Molecular Biology. 

I'd like to share a portion of that interview with you (and I encourage you to read the entire interview at the link above) in which he discusses how Institute helped him see that Mormons really are Christians:

"How has your interaction changed your views of Mormons and Mormonism?

At the same time I started attending Institute classes, I made a point to read several books on Mormonism written from conservative evangelical perspectives or by individuals who had left the LDS Church.  Those texts reinforced many of my early LDS preconceptions and argued adamantly that Mormons were not Christians.  I believed as I read those books that I was preparing to enter a mission field, and during the first couple years of attending LDS classes and conversing with Mormons, proselytizing was always at the back of mind.  I couldn't envision Mormons receiving an evangelical version of salvation without first accepting conventional Christian doctrine.   My current perception of Mormonism is quite different.  As I befriended more Mormons, I discovered that some of the most contentious issues that were the focus of anti-Mormon literature were simply irrelevant or ancillary to modern LDS beliefs and practices.   The practical application of their faith and understanding in LDS doctrine was actually similar to that of other Christians with respect to purely biblical doctrine.  Consequently, I no longer believe I am in a position to say the biblical salvation of Mormons is more in question than members of other Christian denominations.   My current practice, which has contributed to the most productive and meaningful of my inter-faith relationships, is to treat Mormons as Christian brothers and sisters as opposed to members of a non-Christian cult.  

I was recently given a book by Stephen E. Robinson that makes several compelling arguments in favor of Mormons being Christians.  I'm in agreement with him on many of his arguments, so I will limit the explanation of my change in heart and mind to one simple conclusion.  To deny someone who accepts the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ the title of Christian is to deny the sufficiency of that sacrifice, as you surely can't be saved by grace through Christ and not be a Christian.  I no longer argue, as I once did, that a precondition for that salvation is a proper understanding of its heavenly manifestation and the sufficiency of the grace that makes it possible.  I still disagree with LDS doctrine as it pertains to grace, works and exaltation, but denying salvation to Mormons on those grounds requires passing judgment on the motive of their works.   As a Christian and a witness to many apparently humble acts of Mormon service, I'm personally reluctant to pass judgment.

Evangelical Christians sometimes acknowledge the promptings or the perceived presence of the Holy Spirit in their life, and I specifically remember attending a large LDS social event during the first year of my studies where I really felt the absence of the Holy Spirit.  I never mentioned this feeling to any of my Mormon friends, but I share it now as an example of a subjective experience that I used to substantiate my academic rationale at the time for why Mormons should not be considered Christian.  It's also relevant in that my current acceptance of Mormons as fellow Christians is the result of both intellectual argument and the accumulative effect of more recent subjective experiences.  Shortly before my graduation from the LDS Institute, I was invited to attend a Mormon baptism, at which a moving testimony was given by the LDS friend of the woman being baptized.  I could not have denied the profound influence of the Holy Spirit in that woman's life or in the lives of others who shared their testimony at an LDS church service I attended on a different occasion.  The Spirit could also be felt in many of the prayers offered at Institute gatherings.  Such spiritual fellowship is common amongst Christian brothers and sisters and I can't deny the significance of experiencing it amongst Mormons."

While David acknowledges that he still has doctrinal disagreements with the doctrines of the LDS Church, he at least sees that we are Christians.

David's statement that Mormons are Christians because "to deny someone who accepts the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ the title of Christian is to deny the sufficiency of that sacrifice, as you surely can't be saved by grace through Christ and not be a Christian" applies equally to all other denominations who accept the atoning sacrifice of Christ. 

Christians will always have doctrinal disagreements with one another, but its time to put an end to the debate over who is a Christian and who isn't. No one except Christ is in a position to determine who is a Christian and who isn't.

How You Can Help The LDS Church In Providing Relief To Japan

If you want provide donations to the LDS Church so that they can help the people in Japan, please go to LDS Philanthropies and make a donation to the Emergency Response Fund.

The LDS Church has also released a statement about the earthquake in Japan and that most LDS missionaries serving in that area are safe and accounted for: 

"Our thoughts and prayers are with the people of Japan following the recent devastating earthquake and tsunami.

There has been a high volume of inquiries concerning the safety of missionaries serving in the area. The most immediate information is that five of the six missions in Japan have reported all missionaries are accounted for and safe. However, all communications systems in the Sendai area are down. We have not been able to contact each missionary in that mission yet. We continue to work diligently to account for the missionaries in this area and will update information as we are able to do so.

Initial reports from missions in areas affected by tsunami activity show all missionaries are safe.

We are also assessing how the Church might help meet the needs of people affected by the earthquake and tsunami."

Keep checking back here at LDS Phrontistery for more updates on the LDS Church and their involvement in helping the people of Japan.

Update #1 (3.13.11):  It has been confirmed that all missionaries in Japan are safe and accounted for.